海外トップ校合格経験のある日英バイリンガル講師が、対話を通じてあなたの内面を掘り起こします。自分では見過ごしていた価値観や経験の意味を第三者視点で発見し、他の志願者と差別化できる「あなただけの物語」へと昇華させます。
「何を書けばいいか分からない」Phase0から、「読み手を魅了する」Phase3まで、明確な採点基準で段階的に向上させます。講師陣によるダブルレビューで客観性を担保し、何度も繰り返し書き直しながら着実に合格水準を超えていきます。
時に厳しく、誰よりもあなたを理解する存在として、グローバル講師陣が24時間体制でサポートします。感情的な書き方から学術的な書き方まで柔軟に対応し、最新情報を踏まえながら最高の自己プレゼンテーションができるよう完成まで伴走します。
『単語』『フレーズ』『文章』単位での変更提案。
日本語で言いたいことと、英語で言いたいことの乖離を最小限にする。
字数制限に収めるための、書く＞削除＞言い換え、提案。
限られた字数の中で、伝えられる内容を最大化し、「濃い」文章に。
エッセイの各段落に対し、
「どのエピソードを書くか」
「そのエピソードが本当に効果的か」をFBセクションで入念に考える。
Before / After Showcase
受講生Aさん
受講生Aさん（King’s College London 志望）の志望動機書は、わずか数週間で “単なる自己紹介文” から “読者を惹きつける合格レベルのストーリー” へと進化しました。ここでは 初期 → 中期 → 完成形 の３段階を比較しながら、 当コースにおいてどのように文章を磨き上げるのかをご紹介します。
初期段階のエッセイは、重要な経験が羅列されているものの、それらを結ぶ論理的な糸が見えない状態でした。母親の闘病、父親の起業、カナダ留学という印象的なエピソードは語られていますが、「なぜビジネスを学びたいのか」という核心への答えが曖昧で、読み手に「この出願者を合格させるべき理由」を明確に伝えられていませんでした。
最大の課題は内省の浅さです。出来事の事実は述べられていても、「そこから何を学び、どう変化したか」という深い分析が欠けていました。例えば父親のビジネスを「観察した」とは書かれていますが、具体的に何を見て、どんな気づきを得たのかが不明瞭です。また、レジリエンスや適応力を身につけたと主張していますが、それを裏付ける具体的なエピソードや数値的な成果が示されていません。
さらに構成面でも、志望動機、自己PR、将来像が混在し、メッセージが散漫になっていました。ビジネスへの情熱は感じられるものの、King's College Londonでなければならない理由も不明確で、「熱意はあるが説得力に欠ける」という印象を与える内容でした。評価者の視点では、ポテンシャルは感じるものの、合格判定を下す決め手に欠けるエッセイと言えるでしょう。
"I am deeply interested in pursuing Business Management, as it combines my fascination with how businesses operate and my personal experiences that have shaped my desire to lead and contribute to the success of organizations. Growing up, I had the unique opportunity to observe my father's business, which focuses on skin products. I saw first-hand the challenges he faced in managing his business, as well as the importance of strategic decision-making, financial planning, and leadership. This ignited my curiosity to explore the world of business management further.
My mother's diagnosis with cancer when I was 14 years old had a profound impact on me. It taught me resilience, adaptability, and how to face unexpected challenges head-on. This experience highlighted the significance of strong leadership—not only in business but also in personal and family matters. I realized how crucial it is for individuals and businesses to be equipped with the ability to navigate difficult situations. I believe that Business Management will provide me with the tools to build these skills, allowing me to thrive in both professional and personal environments.
In addition to my personal experiences, I spent two years studying abroad in Canada, an opportunity that opened my eyes to different cultures and perspectives. Being immersed in a new environment taught me to adapt and engage with people from diverse backgrounds. This experience reinforced my desire to pursue international management, where cross-cultural communication and understanding are key to navigating the global business landscape.
Choosing the Business & Economics at King's College London is a natural extension of my aspirations. I am excited about the opportunity to gain a solid understanding of business operations, finance, marketing, and human resources. The course's emphasis on both academic theory and practical application aligns with my goal of acquiring the analytical and decision-making skills that will serve me in a future career in business management.
Beyond academic achievements, I believe I can contribute to King's College London by bringing a unique perspective shaped by my experiences. My personal background has made me highly resilient and adaptable—qualities that are essential for success in business. I have learned that challenges, whether personal or professional, are opportunities for growth. As a student, I will bring this mindset into my studies, collaborating with peers and professors to create a positive, forward-thinking environment. Furthermore, my ability to empathize and understand different viewpoints, developed through my experiences with my family, will enable me to contribute meaningfully to group discussions and projects.”
中期段階では、ストーリーの軸が確立され、エッセイ全体の説得力が大きく向上しました。最も重要な改善点は、「母の病気→父の転職→ビジネスへの新たな視点の獲得」という一連の流れが論理的に構築されたことです。これにより、個人的な体験が志望動機へと自然につながり、読み手の共感を得やすくなりました。
具体性の面でも顕著な進歩が見られます。COSME ACADEMIAという製品名、ボランティア80時間という数値、中古書店での3ドルの価格設定など、評価者が成果を明確にイメージできる詳細が追加されました。また、economies of scaleの概念を実践に応用したエピソードは、学問的知識を実務に活かす能力を示す好例となっています。
King's College Londonとの関連性も強化されました。CarbonTagやKCL start-up acceleratorへの言及により、「なぜこの大学なのか」という問いに具体的に答え始めています。しかし、まだ複数のトピックが並列的に語られており、最も伝えたいメッセージの焦点が十分に絞られていない状態でした。エピソード間の接続も改善の余地があり、全体としてやや断片的な印象が残っていました。
When I was 13, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, leading my father to shift from being a medical doctor to a medical entrepreneur based in Ryukyu University, aiming to help people through business in medical devices and skincare products. This change allowed him to spend more time at home, significantly increasing our family time. As I grew older, I learned that this change was intended to balance work and family life. This intrigued me with business and management by providing me a new insight on working, moving from viewing work merely as 'labor' to appreciating it as an endeavor where each individual is passionately engaged for a cause. It highlighted that every worker has their own personal life and individual motivations, which enriches their contribution to their work. This realization deepened my understanding of business as a human-centric endeavor.
With my dream to become a global business manager in an organization dedicated to helping people, I am inspired to harness my skills to positively impact society. I am passionate about leading initiatives that not only drive business success but also contribute to community welfare.
I believe to be an outstanding manager, it is crucial for me to have strong understanding in the expertised field, with cutting-edge knowledge and practical experiences. I am now applying to the Business and Economics pathway at King's College London to deepen my theoretical understanding of business.
Intrigued by the business world, I approached my father to become involved with Grancell, the company he founded. Since 2021, I have assisted in product concept development, packaging design, and marketing strategies. Marketing strategies: "COSME ACADEMIA," the product the company is selling in the cosmetic market in Japan (a high-end skincare line). This experience has enhanced my ability to be goal-oriented, and set small goals in order to achieve something bigger in the longer term. ＋I ensured this is the path I want to progress towards. This role has allowed me to experience significant aspects of business operations, including team building and servant leadership.
These experiences led me to transfer to a Canadian high school where I could study Accounting and Economics, which are the subjects not offered in Japanese high schools. I am currently working towards a Canadian High School Diploma in these fields.
In Canada, I volunteered at the Nikkei Centre, a community center where I managed a secondhand bookstore. The revenue from selling donated books at $3 each helped fund the center's operations. This volunteer experience led me to propose increasing the frequency of cultural exchange events, which we organized to enhance community engagement. By analyzing the costs associated with each event and proposing increased frequency, I worked on reducing overall costs through economies of scale, thereby fostering a sustainable business model focused on recycling and organizational sustainability.
At King's College London, I am eager to delve deeper into sustainable business practices. I am particularly interested in the example of KCL's start-up accelerator, which includes initiatives like "Carbon-tag." This platform helps companies effectively communicate their sustainability efforts to customers by tracking and managing the carbon footprint across a product's lifecycle.
While abroad in Canada, I volunteered at the Nikkei Centre for over 80 hours, managing a secondhand bookstore to raise funds for the center. Through this job, I was taught about setting prices and managing sales, which are key parts of running a small business. I learned how important it is to plan financially and make strategic decisions for success. Furthermore, my experiences in Canada have taught me how cultural differences and people's unique backgrounds influence organizational dynamics. Playing basketball in Japan and Canada, I noticed significant differences in how team strategies were developed and implemented. In Canada, student-led initiatives allowed me to contribute to team strategies that led to significant victories. To enhance my leadership skills, I joined the RAC, an extracurricular leadership activity at my school, where I acted as a supportive coordinator for various sports events.
Additionally, King's offers a variety of business-related opportunities, including internships and involvement in student organizations like 180 Degrees Consulting. I am enthusiastic about joining the KCL community and leveraging its extensive alumni network. If given the chance to study at King's Business School, I certainly look forward to joining the global community of over 9000 alumni in 118 countries, by attending a number of business-related events and workshops. This will allow me to constantly update methods of cross-cultural management in today's fast-changing business environment through active involvement in this community.
Ultimately, I aim to learn about sustainable business at King's to engage in socially responsible business practices. After completing the foundation course, I plan to advance to an undergraduate degree in Business Management BSc, and eventually attend King's Business School. I hope to start my own business through the KCL start-up accelerator, contributing back to the KCL network and beyond.
I am applying to King's College London to study Business Management and Economics or Business Management and Social Sciences because I want to explore both top-down and bottom-up approaches in economics and business management. I also aim to understand the psychological and sociological aspects of workers and how work environments can be managed more effectively.
最終段階では、構成と表現が研ぎ澄まされ、読み手を引き込む力強いナラティブが完成しました。冒頭の「13歳の転機」から始まる導入は印象的で、父親の決断から得た2つの核心的洞察―「仕事は単なる労働ではない」「ビジネスは社会変革の力を持つ」―が全体を貫く軸として機能しています。
特に秀逸なのは、AstraZenecaでの将来像から逆算して必要な学びを特定する「backward thinking」のアプローチです。これは単なる夢物語ではなく、戦略的思考力を示す具体例となっています。Grancellでの実務経験、カナダでのボランティア活動、そしてKing'sでの学びが、すべて最終目標に向かって有機的に結びついています。
文章の洗練度も際立っています。冗長な表現は削ぎ落とされ、限られた語数で最大限のインパクトを生み出しています。Human ImpactとBusiness Acumenのバランスも絶妙で、社会的責任を持つビジネスリーダーとしての資質が鮮明に描かれています。評価者にとって採点しやすい、説得力と独自性を兼ね備えたエッセイに仕上がっています。
"When I was thirteen, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and our once-stable family life changed overnight. Wanting to be there for us, my father, who was a hospital doctor, left his job to start his own medical business, finding a way to balance work and family. Observing my father contribute to collective well-being by developing cosmetic products using cutting-edge medical research and donating newly invented medical supplies to developing countries – all while maintaining his role as a father – I gained two key intuitions that shaped my aspirations. First, work is not merely ""labour"" as part of a larger system, but rather the effort of individuals driven by motivation, passion, and values. Second, business is more than just a financial exchange; it has the power to support individuals and communities and to drive meaningful change. Guided by these insights, I aspire to become a management executive at a global company like AstraZeneca, establishing strong healthcare systems that go beyond immediate profit to contribute to the sustainable development of societies worldwide, benefiting hundreds of millions of people over decades. To achieve this goal, I would like to study Business and Social Sciences at King's College London.
Eager to turn my newfound passion into action, I volunteered to assist at my father's company, Grancell. There, I contributed to product concept development, packaging design, and marketing strategies for COSME ACADEMIA, a high-end skincare line integrating advanced medical research. Working within set timelines to meet project objectives sharpened my time management and strategic thinking skills, as I learned to break down ambitious goals into concrete steps. In addition, I gained first-hand perspective into balancing innovation, branding, and eco-friendly practices, seeing how businesses can influence consumer behaviour and apply ethical sourcing in their supply chains. Job shadowing my father managing his team also taught me that success depends not on the efforts of any single individual, but on the collective contributions of a well-coordinated team – each person's work combining into an organisation-wide "product." Through this experience, I realised how crucial it is to base my actions on knowledge and experience, working backward from the team's overarching goals rather than simply following my own subjective intentions. This hands-on exposure not only reaffirmed my passion for business but also prompted me to transfer to a Canadian high school where I could take Accounting and Economics – subjects that are not commonly offered in Japan.
During my time in Canada, I have proactively engaged in opportunities beyond my academic coursework to apply my interest in business management. At the Nikkei Centre, I volunteered to manage a second-hand bookstore, raising funds for events benefiting the local community. The centre regularly hosts multicultural exchange events showcasing food, traditional crafts, and performances from over 15 different countries. Although these events were popular, requests for increased frequency were hindered by financial limitations. Applying the concept of 'economies of scale' from my economics class, I proposed changing how supplies were bought by purchasing larger quantities, significantly reducing costs and making frequent events financially viable. Recognised for my contributions, I was invited to join the management team and took an active role in organising these events. Today, these multicultural gatherings have become regular fixtures, consistently receiving positive feedback from the participants as exemplary in fulfilling the organisation's mission of giving back to the community. From this experience, I felt the joy and sense of accomplishment in engaging in a business model where I applied my theoretical knowledge to practical problem-solving.
Looking to the future, my long-term goal is to take on a managerial role at a multinational pharmaceutical company. Witnessing how in the industry, a single success can benefit tens of thousands of people for decades on a global scale, resonated deeply with my desire to integrate sustainability into business management; For example, AstraZeneca's commitment to improving healthcare systems by providing affordable medicines to underserved regions, such as parts of Africa, is perfectly aligned with my vision of stabilising global healthcare systems while prioritising social responsibility. Working backward from this goal, I have identified the knowledge, leadership skills, and global perspective necessary to drive meaningful change, and I am convinced that King's College London not only offers all of these but also serves as a pivotal point in my journey.
At King's King's College London, I am eager to pursue the Business and Economics pathway through the Business Management and Social Sciences modules – a curriculum offering business and economic insights with its content also rooting from the social science realm. Throughout the programme, not only can I navigate how businesses integrate social responsibility into their strategies and operations through the Business Management module, but I will additionally be able to equip myself with an approach to explore human behaviour in a business environment from the Social Sciences module; This allows me to acquire multifaceted perspectives on business management. Further, drawing from my academic background and practical exposure, I hope to contribute to a highly engaging and interactive learning environment, not just for myself but also for my peers. In doing so, I aim to foster a positive and dynamic academic environment at KCL. This engagement will also be the stepping stone for me to advance into the International Management BSc after completing the programme.
Beyond academics, KCL's commitment to addressing sustainability and societal impacts solidifies my desire to be part of this community. Initiatives like King's Start-up Accelerator – advocating for entrepreneurs who place their focal point on social and environmental impact – have evidently supported CarbonTag. Recognising this approach, I believe that KCL's academic environment will certainly provide the opportunity for me to prove my personal philosophy of "work" – where purpose meets impact, and business becomes a force for the greater good through sustainable development.
My desire to join King's College London is driven by the belief that work is not just labour, but a means of helping others. Through backward and multifaceted thinking, I am determined to become another world-leading alumnus of King's College London.
